Three summers ago I took a trip to North and South Carolina with my boyfriend to see his family and stay at a beach house. This was one of the best times of my life! We ate at awesome restraunts and went to fun shops, but one of the things that stuck out most in my mind was the day we went to the beach and swam in the ocean.
I don't really like going out too far into the ocean, I get scared of the creatures (sharks especially) that could bite or touch me when I can't see them. There had been no recent shark sitings at this beach, so somehow, everyone convinced me to swim out there and jump over waves with them. It was fun for awhile, but I needed a boogie board to assist me so I could float on top of the water away from the weird sea creatures.
There were about 6 of us out there swimming. There was a huge wave comming in that we were going to jump over and all of a sudden I looked again and there was a big shark that poked it's head out of the wave. I was stunned. I couldn't say or do anything I was so scared. Thankfully, my boyfriends brother Bryce who was really close to the shark yelled at everyone and we all got out of the water in lightening speed and no one got bit.
Turns out, only three of us saw the shark and no one believed that I saw it because I didn't say anything. I was about to yell shark after the shock went away, but Bryce beat me to it. This is a memory I will never forget and because of this experience I don't think I will ever be convinced to swim in the ocean again.
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6 comments:
I like how you included what effect this experience had on you. I'd like to see some images of the ocean and/or sharks, though.
You have a very good ending with a nice moral to the story. Maybe you could describe how hard it is to run and swim out as fast as you can out of the ocean. I was there and I didn't see the shark but it was still scary.
I almost want to hear about the shark first-- I wish there were links to the sea creatures you're creeped out about, like collasal (?) squids, etc. I want to hear a lot more about the creepiness of what's under the water. I want to hear more of your imagination coming out there.
I also like the moral of your story at the end.
I agree with Anya your strongest writing 'point' is how this effected you. I think it would be a nice touch to add some textures, sights, feel to the story.
I would include more detail about your feelings after seeing the shark. If this scary bastard was the reason you don't go in the ocean anymore let us know why.
It's a good memory to write about, very specific. But, don't just tell me about it, put me there. Describe the day, was it a great beach day, or was it windy and overcast? What was the ocean like? Warm? Cold? Menacing? This is a good starting point, now just expand the detail.
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